Dead..

I have to say goodbye to my results already, as I don't think I did as well as I hoped I can do, or maybe is better that I say I didn't study and prepare for it at my best. I just linger around and hope for a miracle to happen, and every time after the exam, I end up being sad as I know I didn't did well for it, yet this is just for a few days, after that, it is me again, back as normal. Sigh! I so hate myself for allowing myself to be like this. I have the potential to do better, yet I didn't push myself and give the fullest. I hate myself! Why am I like this? When can I change? When will I change? I myself have no answer. I am lazy, this is a fact. So, how do we change fact? How and when will I have the determination to change the fact that I am lazy? Somebody please tell me.
I need to change! I want to change! I have to change!
So please, change!
Although I know this is quite impossible as I am lazy.